A salute to a jimjilbang (don't read on if you're affected by the thought of old naked women and rubbing!)

It has become clear to me of late that whenever I've mentioned jimjilbangs in this blog, it's either because I was seeking somewhere to stay due to being drunk or I've gone there to fight off a hangover. This is because, bar that one time with Amy, it's the only time I visit them. I've been meaning to visit one sober for a while now, and as today was the 5 month anniversary of my becoming a teacher (and therefore payday), I decided to head on over and treat myself to a massage.

The jimjilbang in YoungTong is located across from Homeplus, on the 7th floor and is lovely, though pretty small. On arrival, I paid 9,000won (about 4.50), was given towels and pajamas and sent forth to the women's section (after depositing your shoes as it's very rude to wear outdoor shoes inside most places in Korea, save for some restaurants and most bars). Once safely through the doors of the female section you are expected to get naked, and completely so. Some people have attempted to bathe whilst wearing swimsuits, however, these have quickly been discarded in most cases. I chose to be Korean, as do all the girls that I know. From here you head to the showers and scrub yourself so that you are nice and clean. After the wash you can take a dip into any of the baths on offer, at the local there is a burning hot one, a waterfall bath, a cold bath, ginseng tea, and a normal like-you-would-at-home bath. There's also a steam room and a couple of saunas which are nice. Oh and jade beds, which Koreans think are amazing for health and some kind of shallow pool, which I think is filled with salt water. These baths are communal, so expect to be seated next to a Korean lady, who will often stare at you for a while, before getting bored a couple of minutes and a full up and down later. As it was, tonight I had a good few hours to spend, so I took in all the baths and worked my way around for about an hour, before deciding to take the plunge and get my massage.

Heading up to the front desk, I asked the kind, and clothed, lady where I could find the massage ajumma. She pointed to a wrong side of middle age woman, who immediately took a dislike to me, not sure why, but I think it had something to do with the fact I was a fat Westerner and was paying her pittance to scrub my naked body for half an hour. After I had paid (having to don my clothes again, walk out, pay and come back in), I spotted my ajumma getting her kit off and followed her to the massage room, which is placed to the side of the baths, in full view of all. Luckily my ajumma didn't stay naked, but donned a slightly fraying and mismatched set of lacy underwear, that, being mesh, showed everything anyway.
The ajumma asked me to hop on the table and then proceeded to rag doll me about somewhat to get me into the right position. This was to be a reoccurring theme through the process as our language barrier meant phrases like 'move over this way a bit duck' were obsolete. First, I was rinsed down thoroughly with hot water and then the ajumma came at me with the scrubbers, one on each hand. For the next 15 minutes or so she scrubbed me all over, and believe me when I say that no orifice was left unexplored. I felt somewhat perturbed about this at one stage and decided to close my eyes and imagine that it wasn't a 50 year old woman scrubbing me, but Johnny Depp and that bloke from the Notebook. This made me feel even weirder as I was in a room full of naked women, so I decided just to lie back and think of anything but what was happening. After my very thorough jiggle and scrub I was covered in baby oil and then alternately massaged and spanked (loudly, it was a proper cup, like you do when you clap really loudly to get attention), until I was as malleable as silly putty, in body, but slightly jumpy in mind, seeing as I never knew where the next hit was coming from and when it would strike - damn ninja she was. After a few rinses I was turned over and then the ajumma applied what smelt like honey and milk to my body followed by a strawberry concoction to my face. As this was soaking in she washed my hair for me and gave me a bit of a head massage before showering me and deeming me fit to enter the jimjilbang again. I even got a smile from her. Seems that being that close to someone will mellow the hardest of hearts. . .

After the massage, which left me feeling amazing, I spent the rest of my time in the sauna, touring the baths again and falling asleep on the jade bed. I topped it all off with a nice rinse and then made my way into the night. That was about two hours ago now, however I still feel amazing, truly relaxed, and my skin is so unbelievably soft that I keep stroking my arms and marvelling. Also, you know that line from 'Sin City', 'She smelt like angels oughta smell'? Well I do, despite the fact that it's boiling outside and I've got a bit of a glow on. Thank the Lord for naked scrubbing, it seems.

So all in all, jimjilbangs are amazing, and cheap and beat the heck out of English spas. Doubt they'd catch on in England though, you know what they're like. Right shame that, right shame.